Transitions

A decade ago when I participated in a yoga teacher training, I learned about three Hindu deities – Brahma, the creator, Vishnu, the preserver and Shiva, the destroyer. I remember thinking how harsh it seemed to have a destroyer as a God. It seemed evil, angry and painful.

And yet, as I spent the last week taking apart our family home, having sons pull up with a U-Haul to take favorite pieces of furniture, inviting friends to come and go through my closet, delivering other things to those in need and finally bringing in a dumpster for junk no longer of use, I really had the image of Shiva with me. Sometimes we need to destroy or dismantle in order to rebuild.

Chapters end, and new chapters begin. And, transitions, whether self imposed or put upon us, are intense. Although my mind is excited and just wants to jump ahead to an exciting future, my body isn’t having it. Sleep is harder; my stomach gets nauseous; my body just hasn’t felt right. I even thought I was getting sick. Then yesterday, I stopped packing and zooming. Tears came, and I just let myself cry. They were tears of emotion, of so many memories, emotions, hopes and fears. Whatever storm was inside me began to release, and now when I start to feel crummy, I stop and allow the feelings (even if my mind says I should be tougher than that). I’m learning that it feels good to feel and let the feelings flow.

With all endings comes some grief, in all its shades. Something was destroyed that had once been, even if it was only a dream. I don’t mean this note to be a downer. I’m excited to create my long dreamed of farm as a place of love, joy, wonder and creativity for all. I am just breathing in the idea of pole, pole (slowly, slowly) so that all parts of me can catch up to the shift.

With all the unexpected transitions in our world right now, perhaps the whole world could use a pause just to cry and release all the emotions we are holding without need to analyze and explain. What about you? Have you cried lately? What if tears truly did help wash away the shadows, dust and mud that clings to places no longer needed? What if tears did open new space. light and energy for all that lies ahead?

What if the idea is Shiva is right? In order to find our power for all that is next, we need to release, destroy and dismantle all parts inside no longer needed. Perhaps tears are part of the grace of that shift.

Yurt here I come :).

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